


Fake It Until It Breaks

by sundaze



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Catfish AU, Internet, M/M, Online Friendship, Online Relationship, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 13:49:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4748693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundaze/pseuds/sundaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh wants to believe that Tyler isn't a fake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nonexistent

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching Catfish on MTV and thought "hm, a joshler catfish AU. sign me up." and then this happened.

Josh's mother told Josh to never talk to strangers online when he first began using the Internet at 12 years old. She always made the Internet seem to be this place that is crawling with pedophiles and creeps looking to talk with young boys and girls so they could get off. 

"Don't share your address."

"Never show a picture of yourself."

"Never tell anyone your real name."

Now, 21 years old, Josh used the Internet in ways he never used them before: to make friends. Making friends on the Internet sort of went against anything his mother ever warned him about the Internet. He shared pictures of himself, he told people of his name, and he would talk about the state he was in; but never directly say what his address was. 

Luckily, Josh lived on his own so his mother wasn't there to stop him and preach about how, even though he's 21, there still might be a 50-something year old guy on the other side who wants to mislead Josh into thinking he's a 20 year old woman who is really interested in Josh. 

Catfishing was a concept that Josh couldn't wrap his head around. Why do some people do it? Why would they lie about who they are just to impress someone who lives miles away from them? It just never made any sense to Josh. 

He's ran into his fair share of catfish; they were pretty easy to detect, using semi-famous, Internet people's pictures and claiming to be them was usually the catfish Josh would encounter. But that was only once or twice. Josh has never ran into someone who was using some normal, average person's picture and pretending to be someone they're not, and he believes he never will. Why would people even do something like that? 

*

Josh walked down the paved sidewalk through the center of the quad at his university, staring at his phone with a small smile on his face.

Tyler: I don't understand how you could think "Narrow Stairs" is the best Death Cab for Cutie album when "Plans" exists and is so obviously the best album.

Josh rolls his eyes and giggles to himself. 

Josh had been mindlessly scrolling through his Twitter feed a few months ago before he had put his phone into his back pocket and left for class. Once he had gotten to class, Josh took his phone out (he refuses to sit down with his phone in this back pocket. He feels like it might break the screen or the device will snap in half if he sits down too fast) and noticed that his phone had unlocked and sent a DM to someone he followed on Twitter. 

Instead of a bunch of random letters thrown into a big cluster, autocorrect had fixed the mess of letters to, "widow worn jakes pants". Fuck technology. Josh knew he should have put a password lock on his phone, but he never thought that this could happen. 

Before the recipient answered Josh's butt DM, Josh quickly typed back "Oh my god, sorry about that. I think my butt has a mind of its own." Josh went to go put his phone into his bag, and forget this whole thing ever happened, but curiosity over took him and Josh began stalking the user's page. The page was pretty boring and simplistic. 

The user didn't have his name anywhere on his profile. The icon was a blurry, action-shot type of photo of, what might have been, the user dodging his photo being taken. Josh couldn't make a face out in the picture, but a brown blur atop a different, tanner blur sort of gave Josh the idea that it might be a face. 

Aside from the layout of the page, the tweets weren't anything like Josh's "when the professor cancels class but you didn't check your email before leaving for said class >>" tweets. They were poetry type tweets. 

"The old man sits all by himself and thinks of better years when he used to believe in stars and would dream away his fears" was the most recent tweet from the stranger. As Josh scrolled, he saw that every tweet from this guy was poetic.

"it's hard for me to see where ocean stops, and where sky begins", "I tried to live my life for you and now I realize that it's gone" we're just a few of the 388 tweets. Josh was amazed at some of the stuff this guy was writing, and he instantly felt embarrassed when he noticed that he was following Josh back. 

Josh's phone buzzed in his hands and a ribbon had appeared at the top of his phone screen. 

"@Skeleboy answered you on Twitter!" The ribbon read. Josh felt his stomach twist up in knots. What was he so nervous about? He's never said a word to this guy.

Josh clicked the back button to reveal what the unfortunate recipient had to say about Josh's butt message.

"Well, Josh I assume from your profile, your butt is pretty talented. You should tell your local news station about your personified butt."

Josh laughed quietly to himself and quickly typed out, "Ha. I might consider that. I probably would not even need to go to college anymore because I'd be so rich and famous for my super genius butt. also, only my family calls me 'Josh I assume from your profile'. You can just call me Josh." 

Josh had hoped @skeleboy would understand Josh poking fun at the missing comma between "Josh" and "I assume..." and he didn't just make a total fool of himself trying to be funny. 

A message from skeleboy quickly came into Josh's DMs.

"That would be a wild headline. 'College Boy Makes Millions off his Super Brained Butt'. You'd make history. And alright, Josh. My family doesn't call me anything cool like that. They just call me Tyler."

And that's where the internet friendship began; a conversation over Josh's butt. From there, the two began nonstop DMing, which eventually evolved into texting, about anything they could think of. Today's topic was which Death Cab for Cutie album was better: "Narrow Stairs" or "Plans".

Josh: Whatever dude. I know, deep in my heart, that Narrow Stairs is their best album because it has "Pity and Fear" and "No Sunlight" on it. 

Josh put his phone into his pocket after sending the message and unlocked the door to his shared dorm. Inside, Josh's roommate, Brendon, was sitting with his feet propped up on the coffee table and watching some shitty daytime the television talk show. 

Brendon looked over his shoulder at Josh and smiled. "Talking to that guy still?" Brendon turned back to face the woman in the television talking to a couple about their lack of sex.

Josh rolled his eyes, and made his way to his room. Was is really that obvious when Josh was talking to Tyler? Josh has only seen one picture of Tyler ever and he's only talked on the phone one time at 3 in the morning when Tyler couldn't sleep. Why was it so obvious when he was talking to him? Josh put his bag onto his desk and checked his phone. 

Tyler: How do you even call yourself a DCFC fan, Dun?

Josh: I call myself a fan because I have been listening to them since 2002 and I know all their songs inside and out. I'm going to see them for an 11th time tomorrow. 

Tyler: Psh. Just because you've seen them more times than you can count doesn't make you a fan. 

Josh: I wish you were coming.

Tyler didn't answer as fast this time. Josh knows that Tyler currently resides in a small apartment with his Mom and Dad in Chicago until he can afford his own place, which is only four hours from the University of Ohio where Josh is. Josh also knows that every time Josh even hints at them possibly meeting up, Tyler avoids the topic like bullets. But Josh always tries to give it a chance. 

After a few minutes of what seemed to be endless waiting, Josh's phone buzzed.

Tyler: You know I can't do that.

Josh frowned and bit his lip. He had a feeling that this might have finally been the time. But he was stuck with the feeling of sadness in the pit of his stomach. 

Josh: I know.

Tyler: Please don't be sad. You know I would go if I could go. It's just that my nonexistent car wouldn't be the best mode of transportation to get there.

Josh: There's a train from Chicago to Cincinnati every like two hours for pretty cheap prices. 

Tyler: The nonexistent money in my nonexistent bank account would like to disagree. 

Josh sighed and rubbed his face. Josh knew it was a little off that Tyler couldn't find someway to get to Cincinnati for at least one day. But Tyler was right. He was stuck living in his parents one bedroom apartment after he had gotten kicked out of his apartment for not paying rent. He didn't seem to be in the best financial state to be spending money on train tickets and concerts. 

Josh: It's alright. I get it. I just hope soon we can meet since we live fairly close to each other. 

Tyler: Me too. The second I have even the slightest bit of extra cash, I promise I will spend it on a train ticket to Cincinnati, Ohio.

Josh: Promise?

Tyler: Promise.


	2. The Ice is Getting Thinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler is a nervous wreck and Brendon is a bit of a self centered asshole, but with a good point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a Death Cab for Cutie Song.

Josh watched the cars zoom past in the opposite lane of traffic as Brendon drove towards Hayley's apartment to pick Hayley, Patrick and Pete up for the concert. Josh was going to be a pretty big fifth wheel since Patrick and Pete were going to together and Brendon had finally worked up the courage to ask Hayley out after two and a half years of ogling over her.

Josh was happy that all his friends had someone to call their own. He was excited to be going to see his favorite band for the umpteenth time with a couple of his friends. But he felt something was missing and he knew exactly what it was. Josh's phone buzzed in his hand, scaring him out of his daydream.

Tyler: Have fun at the show tonight and take lots of pictures for me ;) 

Josh smirked a little at the text, but it didn't last for long. He sighed and replied with a quick "Thank you :)" and he put his phone on silent, resting his head in his hand continuing to stare out the window.

Brendon flicked his eyes over to his melancholy friend for a second before looking back at the road. "Don't get down on it too much, kid." Brendon said, keeping an eye out for the correct street to turn down. "One day he'll have the money to come here and you two will meet and you'll fall in love and live happily ever after."

Josh rolled his eyes and rubbed his face. "It's not that I'm upset he's not coming or he doesn't have the money to come. I'm upset that he's avoiding the topic of us meeting entirely."

"Dude, some people are just shy. Like, you're shy. You're the shyest kid I know. If some stranger you met online three months ago was like 'Hey when the fuck are we meeting? Come down here for a concert tomorrow night.' would you go?"

Josh shrugged his shoulders and looked over to Brendon. "Probably not." 

"Exactly," Brendon proclaimed, turning right down a poorly lit side street. "Everyone has their negatives and his is just excessive shyness. You're gonna have to deal if you wanna fuck him eventually."

Josh laughed and punched Brendon in the shoulder playfully. "Shut up. I don't want to fuck him."

"Mhm, alrighty, lover boy." Brendon laughed to himself.

After a few more moments of silence, Josh's brain started going again. "What if he's not shy? What if he's lying about who he is?"

"What like catfishing you?" Brendon chuckled and kept his eyes trained on the right side of the road looking for the right complex. "That shit isn't real, Josh. That shit is for a stupid reality TV show MTV made up to win back their young fans who stopped watching after Jersey Shore ended."

Josh bit his lip and shrugged. "I guess you're right. I just can't help but think about the possibility of that. I have only seen one picture of him, and he doesn't want to video chat or talk on the phone unless it's convenient for him."

Brendon shook his head. "No guy ever would lie about who they are to you. Have you seen yourself? Any guy would be more than happy to have your dick up their ass and they wouldn't lie about who they are to you because you're the most friendly looking guy around."

Josh laughed again and shook his head. "Stop with all the sex jokes."

Brendon laughed and pulled up in front of Hayley's complex. "Sorry, can't help it since I'm going to spend an entire night with the most beautiful girl in Cincinnati."

Josh giggled and smiled at his friend. "It is a little weird that my two closest friends are going to be on a date tonight."

"It's weird for me too, honesty. But can you do me a favor and try not to be a downer tonight? Try not to think about Tyler. Don't think about how much you wish he is with you right now. And please, don't spend the whole night texting him? We're going to have fun. Just you me, Hayley, Patrick and Pete. Alright?"

Josh nodded and took a deep breath. Josh got into the drivers side seat as Brendon went up to Hayley's apartment to get the three others. While Brendon was away, Josh started thinking about what he'd be like if Tyler was with him at that moment. He'd probably have Tyler sitting in the seat beside him and hold his hand, keeping their hands intertwined on Tyler's thigh. They'd probably skip the concert and just end up aimlessly driving all over Ohio until the early morning. 

Josh sighed and rested his head on the steering wheel and looked at the one picture Josh has of Tyler. It had a black and white filter on it, but it was a picture of Tyler's face and chest. The camera was being held at an angel so only half of his face was visible. His hair was dark and pushed up and out of his face. His arm was rested on the back of the couch he was sat on and he was staring into the distance, half smile on his face. 

Josh jumped a little bit when he heard the doors to the car open up. He watched as Brendon crawled into the front seat and Hayley, Patrick and Pete squeezed into the small backseat of Brendon's 2005 Honda Civic.

"Ready to go, lover boy?" Brendon said, smiling. Josh nodded and started the car up, pulling into the road and taking off. 

*

Josh sat at the bar toward the back of the small venue's GA section, watching everyone pushing closer to the stage as it was almost time for the band to take the stage. Josh wanted to join everyone else, but something felt wrong. 

Josh watched as Pete emerged from the mass of people and make his was over to Josh. Before he sat down, Pete ordered some drink that was unfamiliar to Josh. 

Pete looked at Josh. "Are you gonna get something?" Pete asked, pointing towards the bar tender. 

Josh shook his head and smile a little at Pete. "I don't drink." Josh stated and watched as the bartender put a brown colored bottle in front of Pete.

Josh didn't know Pete all that well. He had met Pete through Patrick when they started dating a few months ago and he's only met him two or three times. But Josh thinks Pete is a pretty good guy and is glad that Patrick found him.

"Why are you back here?" Pete asked, opening the bottle and putting the cap on the table before sipping from it. "Isn't this one of your favorite bands?" 

Josh nodded and looked towards the stage again. "Yeah, they are. But I've seen them like 11 times so I don't get that excited about see them anymore." Josh pulled at his fingers, hoping Pete bought his lie.

Pete laughed and shook his head. He didn't. "I've seen Metallica a million and one times and I never get sick of seeing them." 

Josh shrugs his shoulders and looks back at Pete. "Everyone's different."

"I suppose. I can tell something else is bothering you though."

Josh hesitates and bites his lip. "I'm not allowed to talk about it."

"You're not allowed to talk about it? Who is telling you that?"

"Brendon."

Pete scoffed and waved his hand at Josh. "Fuck that guy. What's bothering you?"

Josh looks at the ground for a moment before looking back up at Pete. "I've been talking to this guy for a few months and I've only seen one good picture of him and talked with him on the phone once at like 2 AM. I guess I'm just a little nervous he might be lying to me about who he is."

Pete nods and looks towards the stage. "Have you asked to video chat?"

Josh nodded. "He says he doesn't have a laptop with a camera on it. I'd usually think that this was a lie but it makes sense because he's been living with his parents for a while now since he got kicked out of his apartment for not having the money to pay rent."

"So, he has is willing to spend money to buy even a shitty laptop, but not save that money for an apartment?" Pete retorted, sipping from the brown bottle.

Josh shrugged again and sighed. "I just don't want to believe he's faking it."

"I understand that, but you can't just ignore all these warning signs. Maybe ask for a picture of him holding a sign that says something specific so you know he's not lying."

Josh nodded and it wasn't long after that the house lights went down and the venue erupted in cheering. "Come on, Dun. You're not sitting for this." Pete said, pulling Josh off the chair and towards the crowd of people.

*

The show was amazing, probably the best Josh had been to of the bands. They did all of Josh's favorite songs and they even covered a few songs from other bands Josh is pretty into. Josh got second row from barrier and got a guitar pick the guitarist threw into the crowd. Everyone else Josh had gone to the show with felt the same as Josh was feeling: happy and exhilarated. 

After Pete and Patrick had been returned to Pete's place, Brendon had driven to Hayley's house and was walking her to the door.

In the meantime, Josh turned his phone on for the first time all night. He was greeted with endless buzzing and continuous beeping. Josh watched as his phone wigged out for a bit before checking out what had happened. 

37 New texts from Tyler.  
4 Missed calls from Tyler.  
1 New voice message. 

Josh bit his lip. He knew he should have kept his phone on, or at least checked once or twice through out the night. He checked the time, 2:38am, and decided to call Tyler before checking anything. 

The phone rang a couple of times before it was sent to voice mail. Josh took a deep breath and tried not to panic, he told himself that Tyler was probably just asleep. 

Josh decided to wait for a call back or a text so he listened to the voice mail Tyler had left. 

"Hey, Josh." The message began. His voice was a bit higher than Josh had remembered. "It's like midnight and I was just calling to make sure that everything was going alright. I sent you, like, a million texts and called a few times but you weren't answering. I am just nervous. I'm probably overreacting though. Alright, I'll shut up now. Bye Jish."

Josh sighed and rubbed his face as he hung up from his voice mail. Why was he so panicky about Josh? He knew where he was going and he knew what time he'd be out around. Why did he call 4 times and leave 30 text messages? 

"Holy shit!" Brendon came barreling towards the car and throwing the passenger door open. "It happened!"

Josh looked towards his frazzled friend. "What?"

"It happened!" Brendon repeated, grabbing Josh's shoulders and facing him towards himself. "I kissed her."

"Really? She was willing to kiss you?" Josh giggled, shrugging Brendon's hands off his shoulders and starting the car up.

"Hey, shut up." Brendon laughed, running a hand through his hair. "I can't believe I kissed the most beautiful girl in Ohio."

"That's a bit of an exaggeration."

Brendon shrugged and smiled more. "Maybe. But it's not that much of an exaggeration."

Josh shrugged and kept quiet as he drove.

"Dude," Brendon said, hitting Josh's bicep with the back of his hand. "what's wrong? Why aren't you happy for me?"

"I am happy for you. I just have a lot on my mind."

Brendon sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Please don't tell me it's about that kid."

Josh bit his lip, gripping the steering wheel and hesitating before answering Brendon. "He called me a couple of times and left a panicked voice message and panicked texts. I'm just a little worri-"

Brendon shook his head and cut Josh off. "No. Shush. I don't wanna hear it."

"What?" Josh questioned, furrowing his brow but keeping his eyes glued to the road. 

"Every night it's something different about this guy. 'Oh, I was up until 4 AM texting him because he could t sleep.' 'I don't get why he can't just come here and see me for a day.'" Brendon mimicked Josh. "The one time something I've been waiting for years to happen happens, I want to talk about it and I want my best friend to talk about it with me."

Josh opened his mouth to say something, but decided to save the fight and he closed his mouth. "Alright, sorry." Josh said after a few moments of silence. 

Brendon nods but the rest of the car ride is quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is actually based off something that actually happened to me. (long story short: I was in an online relationship with this boy and I told him I was going to see TØP in concert and I wouldn't be able to talk to him until I got out around midnight. When the show got out, I had 30+ texts, he called me 10+ times and left me 9 voicemails.) (This wasn't really a short story but)
> 
> Anyways, sorry this chapter is a little bland and boring but hopefully the next chapters will be better. 
> 
>  
> 
> thank you for reading. I hope you have a good day or night or what have you. :)
> 
> Please leave feedback and all that stuff I love.


	3. Little White Lies

"Ty, do you think we could do something?" Josh asked Tyler while they were on the phone with each other. Phone calls were becoming more common with them, but it was at obscure times of the day: 11 at night, midnight, sometimes even at one AM. Josh wanted to ask Tyler why they could only talk at the late hours of the night, but he was just happy to hear Tyler's voice every other night and he didn't wanna push his luck.

"Yeah, I'll do anything for you." Tyler replied, his voice soft and quiet, almost tired. 

Josh felt his face grow a little pink from thinking about sleepy Tyler being sprawled out on his bed, wishing to be there with him. "Do you think we could video chat?" Josh said a little hesitant. He knows that Tyler couldn't, but he just needed to know if he was talking to the guy in the picture or someone else.

Tyler didn't answer for a minute, just the sound of their breathing filling the miles of silence between the two. For a second, Josh thought he had fallen asleep, until he began talking again. "Josh you know I can't..." Tyler answered. "I want to, I really do. I just don't have the money to get a computer or anything that I can use to video chat."

"What about your cell phone? Don't you have like a video call app or something?" Josh suggested, determined to get a video chat with him.

"I have one of those prepaid phone that you have to buy minutes for. I can't have apps. Haven't I told you that before?"

Josh sighed and rubbed his face. "I know, I know." Josh bit his lip and played with the blanket that covered him. There was silence for a second. "Could you send me a picture of you right now instead..." Josh mumbled.

Silence. "I wish I could send you a picture, Jishwa, but the camera on my phone broke."

Josh frowned and tried not to audibly sigh. "Oh," 

"I would if I could." Tyler said.

"Yeah, I know." Josh replied, know he sounded disappointed.

"What's wrong? Why Do you wanna see me right now so bad?"

"No reason."

"Are you horny?" Tyler giggled on the other end. 

"No."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to see you."

There was an extended silence before Tyler spoke again, his voice sounding worried and hurt. "Do you think I'm lying to you?"

"What?" Josh replied with, growing nervous as Tyler started catching onto what Josh was trying to prove. 

"You know, like, do you think I'm catfishing you?"

"No. No way." Josh lied.

"I promise, I'm not lying. It's just... it's just that things are really difficult right now, financially."

"Yeah, I know."

More quiet between the two. "You don't believe me." Tyler mumbled.

"I do. I believe you Ty."

"You don't. If you believed me you wouldn't sound so nervous and sad right now. You would move on if you had believe--"

"Tyler," Josh interrupted. Tyler stopped talking. Josh bit his lip, unsure of what to say. He hadn't thought this through. "I-I think I'm gonna go."

"It's only 11:30, Josh." 

"I have an early class tomorrow and I haven't been sleeping too well."

"Is this because you think I'm lying to you?" Tyler said defensively. 

"Tyler how many times have I told you--"

"I don't know why you're not believing me!" Tyler shouted, startling Josh. "I told you. When I have the money, the first thing I am buying is a train ticket to Cincinnati so we can meet and hug and do whatever it is you want to do. And when I get more money after that, I will buy a computer with a camera so we can video chat and whatever all the time. But for now, we have to make this work and you have to believe me."

Josh hesitated before he replied with a measly "Y-yeah..."

"Okay." Tyler paused. "Night, Jish. Sleep well."

"You too, Ty." Josh hung up the phone quickly and stared at his ceiling. Tyler had never snapped at Josh like that before. Why was Tyler being so defensive about Josh's suspicions? Josh knew why. He knew Tyler was lying and Tyler had just proved that for himself by reacting the way he did by simple requests from Josh. 

Josh rolled into his sighed and tried to take in everything that had just occurred. Tyler isn't who he says he is. He's a fake. Now, Josh began to question everything that Tyler had ever told Josh. Was his real name Tyler? Does he even live in Chicago, or does he live thousands of miles away in some other state? Maybe he lives right here in Ohio, an hour away from where Josh is. Cold it be someone from Josh's high school? If they ever met and Tyler wasn't who he was in the picture as, would Josh still feel the same as he does about Tyler?

Josh had been thinking so much he didn't even feel the time passing, because suddenly it was 3 am and he was still awake. Josh rolled back until his back and ran his hands over his face. Why would he even feel compelled to lie about who he is? Josh would accept him for who he was no matter what he looked like. 

Josh needed to know. He took his phone off the side table and quickly opened his texting app.

Josh: Sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to make you upset. Please don't flip on my again, but, if you are lying to me about who you are, please just tell me. I won't be mad. I just need to know.

Josh sent the text and read it over a few times before he locked his phone again. Time seemed to creep by slowly before his phone vibrated besides him. Josh opened the messages as fast as he could.

Tyler: There is something I should tell you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another boring chapter but at least there is a cliff hanger ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> this series probably won't be too long. In prediction another 3 maybe 4 more chapters. This is the first thing I've written in a few months so in just kind of working my way up to long series. so you could probably subscribe to me for when I do start writing longer things (I also have a lot of one shot ideas I will be writing and posting so you could subscribe to me for those, too.)
> 
> than you for reading!! leave feedback and all that stuff I love.


	4. Kintsugi

"Wait, so he has a disease?" Pete asked, picking at the plate of fries being split between Pete, Josh, and Brendon at the small 24/7 diner on campus. 

"No, it's not a disease. It's a disorder." Brendon added in, looking between the two other men sat at the table.

"Is there a difference?" Josh sighed for probably the millionth time this evening. 

Brendon nodded. 

"No there isn't." Pete retorted, slamming his palm onto the table, making Josh's coffee slosh over the edge of the mug. "They're, like, the same thing."

"A disease is something more physically wrong with a person. A disorder is mental." Brendon said, shoving a fry into his mouth staring at Pete.

"Can't they just be used interchangeably? They mean basically the same thing."

"Yeah, they can be. But if you wanna get technical, disorder usually refers to something mentally wrong and-"

"Guys!" Josh interrupted the two bickering. 

Pete rolled his eyes and looked back at Josh. "Whatever. So he has a disorder?" Pete said, enunciating the word 'disorder' slowly. Brendon kicked Pete under the table.

"Yeah. He has this, body dysmorphia disorder thing." Josh answered, soaking up the spilled coffee with a napkin.

"I've never heard of that." Pete said. "Do you think he's making it up just so he doesn't have to come out as a catfish to you?"

"Pete, shut up. This kid isn't lying to Josh. Not about how he looks or what his mental health is." Brendon asserted, shooting Pete another dirty look.

Josh shook his head. "I know he's not lying. I googled it last night when he told me and I was reading about it." Josh pulled up the webMD website on his phone that he was looking at last night. "'People with body dysmorphia disorder (BDD) are preoccupied with an imagined physical defect or a minor defect that others often cannot see.'"

"Hang on," Pete broke in. "If he sees something physically wrong with his appearance, wouldn't that make this a physical problem and this would, I fact, be considered a disease?"

"No." Brendon answered, covering his face with his hands. "No, because it's a mental problem. He thinks he sees something physically wrong with himself but there's nothing wrong physically."

"Can the topic of disease vs disorder be saved for when we don't have anything else to talk about?" Josh pleaded, throwing his arms onto he table. 

Pete rolled his eyes smiling. "Okay, so he has this disorder, but that doesn't answer the big question. Is he who the guy in the pictures is?"

Josh opened his mouth to say that he was, but he realized that he wasn't really sure. Tyler never did specify if he was lying about what he looked like or not. The BDD thing only explained why he couldn't video chat or send pictures of himself; because he wasn't comfortable enough to do those things. The whole "are you the guy in the picture?" issue was still up in the air.

"I don't think you'll have to worry about it, Josh. This kid seems to be legit." Brendon reassured.

"Well, you don't know that for sure." Pete added in.

"Pete let the kid have some hope god dammit." Brendon scolded, throwing a half eaten fry at Pete, which sparked a fry throwing war. 

Josh just sat there and watched, occasionally dodging flying French fries until they got kicked out and banned from returning to the diner.

*

Josh laid on his bed with his cell phone next to his ear and his CD player playing the new DCFC album that had been released a few days before. Josh and Tyler had agreed to not listen to it until they had the time to listen together. Josh started turning the player down as the last few piano chords of the final song ended. Neither of them had said anything throughout the entire 45 minute long album.

"That," Tyler began once the song was completely done. "That was amazing."

"They never fail to disappoint me." Josh said, bringing the phone back to his ear and sitting up in bed. 

"Me either." Tyler replies. "But that was just... amazing."

"Better than 'Plans'?"

"Oh yeah. Miles above it." Tyler replied, stifling a giggle out if Josh. "I actually started thinking during while listening to this album."

"Uh oh," Josh teased, giggling again. "This probably won't be too good."

"Shut up," Tyler laughed. "I'm being real. This is really serious."

Josh could hear Tyler's voice wavering nervously, which never happened often. The only other time it happened was when Tyler came out to Josh about his disorder; so Josh knew this had to be a pretty serious topic. "I'm all ears." Josh replied.

"So, you know how in 'Little Wanderer' there's a part that goes 'I hope your absence makes us grow fonder. I hope we always feel the same. When our eyes meet past security, we embrace in the baggage claim. When we kiss in the baggage claim'?"

"Yeah, I think that was my favorite song off the album." Josh answered as the song ran through his memory.

"Well, I feel like that really relates to us."

Josh stopped playing with the bed sheets as he heard what Tyler had said. "What do you mean?"

"Like, you know. The whole song is about making a long distance relationship work and how happy this couple is when they finally get to see each other again."

"Ty, to my knowledge, we're not a couple." 

"I know..." Tyler mumbled. "That does mean I don't want us to be..." 

Josh felt his heart rate pick up quickly and his stomach began twisting in knots. Did Tyler just ask him out? Was this really happening? Josh hadn't really planned for this to happen. Sure, he was happy, but can't people usually just know that someone is about to ask them to be their boyfriend before it happens? This was really sudden and Josh wasn't prepared for it. 

"Josh?" Tyler said after a few moments of total silence from Josh's side.

"Hey. Uh, sorry. What did you say?" Josh answered, feeling like an ass asking Tyler to repeat himself.

"I asked you if you'd be my boyfriend... I think." Tyler replied, his voice trailing off at the end. 

Josh felt his cheeks grow warmer. Josh took a moment to consider the situation. If he dates Tyler, it could either ruin their friendship and make it awkward between them if they ever broke up, or it could bring them closer together and Josh would know once and for all if Tyler was lying or not. Also, did Josh want to date someone that might be lying about who they are?

Before Josh talked himself out of it, the words slipped from his lips: "Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there will be 2 maybe 3 more chapters after this one if I don't get a really good idea. After this I will be starting a new story that I'm looking forward to start.
> 
> I hope that someone of you read the new story I'm gonna start soon called "Like Montagues and Capulets". It's pretty obvious what it might be about, but I hope someone if you try it out once it's up.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Please leave feedback and all that stuff I love.


	5. Setting Up a Trap

"I can't believe you are going out with that liar." Pete said, as he and Josh took a seat outside the crowded cafeteria. It was getting closer and closer to winter, which meant less and less people eating outside, which meant more people inside, which forced Pete and Josh to stay outside during their hour breaks between classes. They didn't mind too much, they'd rather not be inside and sweaty surrounded by kids.

Josh shrugged and zipped up his jacket and fixed the scarf wrapped around his neck. "Please stop calling him a liar."

Pete shook his head. "You don't know that he's not."

"Ad you don't know he is."

Pete rolled his eyes. "Well whatever. The point is, you don't know who he is. He could be some creep in Minnesota that just wants to see duck pics and be on his way to his next victim."

"You sound like my mother." Josh retorted, watching Pete pull out a pack of cigarettes and light one up. "Anyways, I wouldn't care if he doesn't look like the picture he sent me. As long as he still feels the way he says he feels about me, I don't mind what he looks like."

"Seriously?" 

Josh nodded. The idea of Tyler not being the guy in the pictures is eating Josh away, but he keeps pushing it to the back of his mind. Trying to ignore it. Although he says he wouldn't care he lied about his appearance, Josh kind of does mind. But, for now, Josh will keep hope that Tyler is who the picture is.

Pete sighed and took a drag off the stick. "Do you think you'll ever meet each other?"

Josh hesitated. "I really don't know." He answered. "I'd like to say yes, but I really can't say I believe that we ever will."

Pete nodded and rubbed Josh's knee. "Take it slow. Maybe ask for a couple more pictures first. Then work your way into Skyping or Facetiming with him. And then maybe one day you two will be like, 'Hey, I think it's time that we finally meet.' And when you do meet, you both will freak out and be happy and love each other for the rest of your lives."

Josh smiles and shakes his head. "Or we could realize that we're not for each other and break up and say 'Yeah, we'll still be bet friends' and our conversations get awkward and shorter and shorter until they're completely obsolete and we both forget each other and move on with our lives; leaving one another in the past."

"Jeez, Josh, why do you have to be such a buzzkill." Pete laughed as he put his cigarette out besides him.

*

Josh stared at his phone as he waited for it to ring. Tyler told Josh that he had something important to tell him and that he'd call him at 9:00. It was 9:06 and Josh knew he had no reason to worry, but that didn't stop him. 

'Maybe he just got caught up in something?' Josh tried to tell himself as the time flicked to 9:07. With every passing second, Josh worried that Tyler was in a bad situation. 

When the phone finally rang and lit up with Tyler's number, relief washed over Josh. 

"Hey," He said, answering half way through the second ring, nervousness dripping from his voice. 

"What's wrong?" Tyler asked, his voice sounding more excited than ever.

"Uh, nothing. I was just worried about you." Josh replied, sounding like a fool for worrying about him being 7 minutes late to calling him.

But Tyler giggled anyway. "Sorry, I was talking to my brother. But I have something really important to tell you."

"Well then tell me." Josh smiled as he waited for what Tyler was about to tell him.

"I saved up enough money to rent an apartment!" Tyler exclaimed. He made a cute little squeaky noise afterwards. 

Josh's smile grew wider. "Ty, that's awesome! I'm so happy for you."

"Yeah, I know. But now I can start saving a little money so we can meet!"

Josh's smile felt like it might break his face. "I can't wait! How long do you think that'd be?"

"I don't know, a few weeks, a month at most." 

Josh's smile dropped. "Ty I have finals in a couple of weeks. I can't have you over at that time. I'll be studying and stressed out."

"Oh." Tyler's excitement left his voice quick. "That's fine, I mean. I think we could wait until finals are done. When you go home to Columbus for winter break I can just get a train there instead. I mean it's a little further away but I think I could manage it."

"I'm going to Boston for winter break to visit my sister." Josh answered, his voice getting more and more sad.

Tyler didn't answer for a moment. "When would we be able to meet?" 

Josh took a moment to plan everything out in his head. "Not until the end of February, most likely."

"Oh," Tyler's voice was completely dead at this point. "That's fine, we waited four months for this, I think we can wait another four. Don't you?"

Josh froze for a second before he spoke. "I have a little extra money saved up."

"Yeah! You could send it to me so I could come sooner."

Josh shook his head, although Tyler couldn't see. "Or, I could go there. Like, this weekend."

Tyler didn't answer. Josh could t even hear him breath. Josh chewed his lip, knowing he probably just said the wrong thing. "N-no. Never mind, Ty, that was a silly suggest-"

"Okay."

"What?"

"That's fine." Tyler's voice started getting cheery again. 

"Really?" Josh asked, the excitement returning to his voice as well.

"Yeah. I mean, I grew up in Ohio. I know what's there. But you haven't been to Chicago. So you could come here and I could show you all the cafes and things to do and it could be fun." Josh could practically hear the smile in Tyler's voice.

"Yeah, that sounds wonderful." Josh beamed, pulling in the hem of his shirt as he thought about what he and Tyler would do with their time while Josh is visiting.

"So, it's a date?"

"It's a date."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I havent been posing as much as I was!! I went to see tøp on 9/15 and then I saw panic! on the 17th and i had school and work in between so I've been very busy with life things.
> 
> but here is the next chapter!! I think there will only be one, two or (maybe) three chapters after this one.
> 
> the chapter title is from Panic! At The Disco's song "Bittersweet".
> 
> Also, I started writing another fic called "Camp Echo Lake" (joshler) and it'd be really cool if you read it!!! I'm really excited for this one. I think it will be interesting. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!! Please leave me comments and feedback and all that stuff I love.


	6. All We Do is Sit in Silence, Waiting for a Sign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Drive" by Halsey.

"I'm so happy you two are finally gonna meet." Brendon beamed as he helped Josh pack a bag for the quickly approaching weekend. In approximately 43 hours, Josh would be on a train to meet Tyler in Chicago. Josh was practically jumping out of his shoes in excitement, and Brendon was almost as excited for Josh.

"I know! I honestly can't wait any longer. I've waited four months for this and now it's actually happening and it just doesn't feel real, Brendon." Josh flopped onto his bed and sighed. 

"You probably feel the same way I felt when I went with Hayley to that Death Cab show a few weeks ago."

"How did you feel?"

"Like my stomach was going to eat itself, I had a headache and I thought my heart was going to explode at one point. I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins."

Josh nodded. "Yeah. But multiply that by like a million."

Brendon laughed and laid next to Josh. "But once I finally saw her, I knew that everything was going to go smoothly and it would work out. And when she held my hand during the show, I knew I didn't wanna be with anyone else."

Josh smiled as he watched his best friend talk about his girlfriend. "That's really sweet Brendon. I've never seen this side of you."

Brendon shrugged modestly. "I'm not always obnoxious and derogatory, I still have a heart and a soul."

Josh giggled and looked back towards the ceiling. "What do you think he smells like?"

"I think he'll smell like vanilla or like cupcakes or something."

Josh's smile grew wider and he felt his stomach do flips as he thought about when they first met in the train station. "I hope he's as tall as he looks in the pictures." Josh fantasized, playing with the sleeve of his shirt. 

Brendon didn't say anything for a moment. "Josh," he began. "Now that this-- you and Tyler meeting-- is happening, you have to be real with yourself and what might happen."

Josh looked towards Brendon and furrowed his eyebrows. "Real about what?"

Brendon raised his eyebrows and gestured his hands in a circle. "This. The pictures of Tyler. Your relationship. Everything."

"Brendon, what do you mean?"

Brendon sighed and put his hands over his face. "I don't wanna say it." His hands muffled his voice.

"Say what? Say it, Brendon."

Brendon removed his hands and looked at Josh. "I know that this whole time that you've been talking to Tyler I've been supportive and the 'yeah! Go get em', Josh! He's real and you'll fall in love' and all that shit. But, you have to be really real."

"What are you saying? That he might not look like what I think he looks like?"

Brendon made a face and shrugged his shoulders a little bit. "You have to consider it, Josh." 

Josh frowned and sat up on the bed. "You think he's fake?"

"I didn't say that-"

"But you implied it."

"Well..." Brendon's voice trailed off as he searched for the right words. "It's a possibility Josh."

Josh looked into his lap. He always knew it was a possibility of Tyler being fake. It was always at the back of his mind, banging on the walls, trying to make itself noticed and recognized; but Josh would just keep pushing it off and ignoring it. But now that he was going to be meeting Tyler in a couple of days, he couldn't ignore it any longer.

"Don't get upset if he's not what you think, man." Brendon said, filling up the quiet emptiness surrounding the two of them. 

"How am I not supposed to get upset?" Josh snapped, whipping around towards Brendon. 

Brendon bit his lip and sat up to be eye to eye with Josh. "He probably does care about you and wants to be with you, even if he isn't who he is in the pictures."

"He lied to me, Brendon."

"He was scared Josh. He has that dysmorphia disorder and he didn't want you to know that he looked how he thinks he looks. He wants you to think he's hot 6'3" guy with piercing blue eyes because that's how he wants to look. He wants you to see him as he wants to see himself."

"That doesn't excuse it."

"That doesn't mean you can't accept that he's scared and move the fuck on." Brendon almost yelled. 

"If he had really cared about me he would have told me that he's lying about what he looks like."

"Okay, so now that brings us to another question: would you rather him lie about what he looks like, but still feel the way he feels for you or would you rather him tell you the truth about his appearance but not like you in any way, shape or form?"

Josh opened his mouth to reply, but he closed it again. "That's not the point..." Josh's voice trailed off meekly.

"How is that not the point?" Brendon asked, his open hands slamming down into his thighs. "Do you not see how shallow you're being right now, Josh? Would you really not feel how you feel about him if he looked even slightly different from the picture he's sent you?"

Josh sucked in a deep breath, his chest puffing out. "Can you go?" He questioned after a moment.

Brendon stared at him for a moment before putting his hands up in defeat and walking to the door. "I've never said a single word to this kid," Brendon quipped before leaving Josh's room. "But I whole heartedly believe that if you were the one lying to him and he found out you weren't who he thought, he wouldn't give a shit." Brendon slid out the door and shut it behind him. 

*

The night before Josh's departure to Chicago, he was restless and sleep evaded him. On most nights, this was common. He would toss and turn and stare at Twitter for hours until the sun was about to come up and he would squeeze two or three hours of sleep in. But, on those nights, he didn't feel tired set in until it was almost time to wake up. Tonight, he was exhausted. 

He turned to his side and check his phone clock: 3:29 am. He sighed and put his hands over his eyes. Brendon's voice echoed in his head as he recalled the events from two nights ago. He had been thinking about it a lot, and Brendon was right. He had to be understanding of Tyler's disorder and he had to accept that Tyler wouldn't see himself as Josh may see him. He will not see the things Josh loves about him, he will see the things Josh doesn't think are a big issue. He couldn't erase what Tyler was going through. He had to understand. 

Josh tried to remember why he had gotten so angry at Brendon for just trying to make Josh realize that this may not work out as he's seeing it, but he couldn't. Brendon was right. Tyler could be lying about the pictures and Josh needed to realize that. What Brendon had said to Josh was totally true and Josh knew it.

3:30 am wasn't the best time to apologize to his friend, but Josh snuck his way towards Brendon's room silent. Josh hasn't talked to Brendon since their argument and he had no idea what he was going to say to Brendon once he was inside, but Josh hoped that he could fix things. 

Gently opening the door, sliding in, and then Josh shut the door behind him. Brendon's bedside table lamp flicked on and Josh turned around to face a messy haired, tired looking Brendon. The two sat there, staring at each other, waiting for one of them to break the silence. 

"Hey..." Josh said gently, his hands trailing down the side of his hips and thighs before crossing in the middle of his chest.

"Hi." Brendon replied, adjusting so he was sat straight up and leaning against the wall. 

Josh looked to the floor and bit his lip as he tried to think of the words to say. Why hadn't he thought about what he was going to say?

"Come sit," Brendon beckoned. "I won't bite you."

Josh did as he told and he sat on the very edge of Brendon's bed, trying to stay as far from Brendon as he could. Brendon smiled and pulled his friend closer to him until Josh's biceps were up against Brendon's arms. 

"You know, it's only awkward between us when you make things awkward and do things unlike us." Brendon mentioned, resting his head on Josh's shoulder.

Josh smiled and pushed Brendon a little bit, getting a short Brendon giggle out of his friend. "I'm sorry. About the other day, I mean. I was out of line and I didn't wanna listen to what you had to say. I was just so love struck and just... I had so many emotions and I didn't want one of them to be sad or apprehension. I just wanted to be happy and excited but a little nervous and I didn't want to think about what could go wrong-"

Josh was cut off with Brendon's lips against his own. Platonic kisses were nothing new in the friendship, and we're only executed for desperate measures. 

Brendon pulled away from Josh after a moment. "Sorry," Brendon apologized, a big, stupid grin on his face. "I knew you weren't gonna shut up anytime soon if I hadn't of stopped you."

Josh smiled sheepishly and looked at his lap. "Well, I'm sorry." 

Brendon shrugged. "It's fine. It was a dumb thing to fight over anyway. I wasn't really mad, I was just frustrated that you couldn't accept that he might not be who you think he is."

Josh nodded and looked at Brendon again, who was still smiling. Brendon pressed his lips to Josh's quickly this time and turned the lamp off. Josh tried to slip out of the bed to return to his own, but the light had turned on again.

"No way." Brendon scolded. "Get your ass back in this bed and cuddle with me."

Josh rolled his eyes and returned to the bed, lying down this time, his arms around Brendon's waist and Brendon's around Josh's. Josh fell asleep almost instantaneously

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Platonic kissing and cuddling: good shit (for some reason my notes were deleted so I'm just gonna sum up what I had Dow because there was kind of a lot lmao) there are only a few chapters left, like one and maybe an epilogue. if you could read my new fic "Camp Echo Lake" that'd be rad and I'd love you forever. thanks for reading!! leave feedback and all that stuff I love!!


	7. Come on baby, calm me down. You're the only one who knows how

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from The Front Bottoms's "Skeleton".

Josh rested his head on the window of the train. The train ride from Cincinnati to Chicago was a total of 6 hours long. He was 4 hours into the ride and his nerves were starting to set in. 

He had already been hit with the reality that the wall between the two was going to be broken. No more secrets. No more lies. Just the truth. Josh was happy with this, more than happy. But, he wasn't sure how he'd handle knowing the truth about Tyler. 

Josh tried to think positively as the train sped through the dense forest of eastern Illinois. Maybe he isn't lying. Maybe he is who the picture is and everything would turn out great. Maybe they'd fall in love in their short two day getaway with one another and Josh would call his university and drop out and Josh would move in with Tyler. Tyler and Josh would both work shitty day jobs to make ends meet- maybe more than one shitty day job- and they'd share a shitty apartment on the south side of Chicago, and even though they didn't have a lot, they'd have each other and that would be enough for them.

Josh hoped for that life; but he knew what was going to happen. He didn't wanna think about the 'going to's. He wanted to think about the 'what if's. He wanted to think about how this weekend will be magical and how they'll sleep in the same bed and they'll eat breakfast together and spend the days walking around Chicago, sightseeing and being happy with each other.

He didn't want to think about when he steps off the train, practically a stranger will be there waiting for his arrival. Josh wouldn't even know who to look for in the train station. 

Josh began thinking that this was a mistake. Josh was happy with how things were; how Tyler and Josh would spend all night talking on the phone, spend all day flirting via text. He was happy this way, being in love with another entity he had never met or seen before. He didn't want anything to change. Ignorance was bliss. 

Josh's thoughts were disrupted by the loud beeping of Josh's phone. Josh was in the quiet train car. He slid his ringer to silent as he felt a woman's eyes across the way bare into his body. Josh looked at the lit up screen and looked at the preview messages to see who they were from. Three new ones. All from Tyler. 

Tyler: I can't do this.

Tyler: Don't get on the train. I can't do this right now.

Tyler: Josh please answer me. Don't get on the train. I changed my mind.

Josh felt his heart sink into his stomach. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't ask the train conductor to stop the train so he could get off and find his way back 183 miles back to Cincinnati. He didn't wanna get to the train station in Chicago and immediately get back on a train home, even though he knew this was the best resolution. He wasn't calling Brendon for a ride home. 

Josh quickly keyed back a response to Tyler. 

Josh: Tyler I'm literally an hour and forty-five minutes from Chicago. I can't turn around now.

Josh sighed and ran a hand through he messy hair. How could Tyler do this? Why would Tyler do this. He sounded so positive and excited when they made the plans on the phone just four days prior. What made him change his mind?

Josh knew it was probably the truth that Tyler was withholding from Josh that made him regret this decision. Josh was pretty certain on that. Why else would he not be able to do this right now? 

A text message came into Josh's phone. 

Tyler: well I can't meet you. Not today. You're gonna need to get home as soon as you get here. 

Josh felt his heart rate pick up. Josh had changed plans with his mother so he could go to Chicago this weekend and meet his anonymous boyfriend.He wasn't going to turn around and get on a different train fro another six hours. 

Josh: I'm not doing that.

Tyler: Why? 

Josh: because I'm not. You're going to meet me at the train station and you're going to show me the real you. I'm sick of playing this guessing game with you.

Tyler: what do you even mean? do you still think I'm lying to you?

Josh sucked in a deep breath. He knew Tyler would t be happy that Josh was calling him out on it again, but what was he supposed to do? Josh was fed up with this 'oh we can meet', 'sorry something came up' bullshit. 

Josh: well you're not giving me a lot of shut to work with a counter argument. 

Tyler didn't answer as quick as he had been. Josh began to worry a little as five minutes passed, ten minutes, fifteen. When the thirty minute mark had passed and still no message from Tyler, Josh sent another.

Josh: Tyler please don be upset. I know you mean well and I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I'm not that mad. Just, please don't leave me stranded there. 

Tyler's answer was quick and short this time. 

Tyler: ok. I'll be there. 

*

Josh stretched his unused limbs once he was clear of other people he wouldn't smack in the face if he bent back a little with his arms above his head. Josh quickly went over to the Starbucks to buy a much needed and well deserved coffee. 

Once his coffee was in hand, Josh glanced at the clock. 12:45 pm. Tyler told Josh to meet him by the souvenir shop at 1:00. Josh decided to take his time getting over there as he wandered among the station. 

There were a lot of people in the building. People with briefcase and suits. People with a single black luggage. People with three luggage cases- a blue once, a black one, and a pink one with Disney princess on it-and a kid by their side. 

Josh often wondered what people's personal lives were like. A man with a coffee in hand and a blue tooth phone in his ear, rolling a bag behind him quickly cut in front of Josh, making him almost spill his own coffee. He wasn't wearing a suit or anything, just normal everyday clothes. Josh fantasized that man being late to his train and his wife is waiting for him to return back home to Indianapolis. The man had just had a long week visiting his secret girlfriend in Chicago, but his wife thought he was going on a business trip.

A woman with two infants, a toddler and a preteen stood by a cluster of taken seats. The toddler pulled on his mothers long skirt as he wailed for something to eat. Josh thought about her home life as a single mother, working two jobs to support her four kids after her husband had one day not been in bed when she woke up and he never returned. 

Josh liked doing this when he was in public places. Especially in new places with lots and lots of people. He liked knowing he wasn't the only one with demons. It gave him comfort and security knowing he wasn't the only one putting up a facade like everything was always 100% alright. It made him feel less lonely. 

eventually, Josh found his way to the souvenir shop. His phone read that it was 12:58 pm. He still had a few minutes before Tyler was scheduled to be here. He decided to go through the gift shop. 

The souvenir store was not much. It was maybe fifteen but teen feet wide. It had two or three shelves of shirts with something related to Chicago on them ('I love Chi'town', 'Chicago is for Lovers', and one with the big metal bean on it). There were teddy bears wearing t-shirts that said Chicago on them. There were keychains and sweatshirts and sweatpants with Chicago written on them, maps of Chicago, things to do in Chicago. 

Josh wandered around the store, thinking that any one of these people could be Tyler and Josh wouldn't know it. Once he had that thought, he left the store without purchasing anything. 

It was now 1:08 pm. Josh sat in an empty seat and decided to wait for someone to approach him, since he had no clue who he was looking for. Was he looking for a young man? An old man? Maybe he was looking for a woman. Josh snickered, knowing he wasn't looking for a woman.

Seven minutes passed and there was still no sign of anyone trying to get Josh's attention. Josh check his phone. No new messages. No phone calls. Nothing. Josh sighed and restored to people watching again. 

Across the hallway, next to the gift shop, a younger looking man sat on a bench. He was staring at Josh. No bags. No luggage. No briefcase. Nothing. He sat there all by himself. He wore a black windbreaker jacket zipped all the way up, hood up covering his hair, and dark jeans on. The guy was far away so Josh couldn't make out any other features, but his face was very intent as his eyes hovered over Josh. 

'Maybe that's Tyler' Josh's mind thought as he made eye contact with the guy. Why else would he be staring at Josh? Tyler could be anyone in this train station right now. 

Josh decided to leave the guy alone and look around the building. He didn't see anyone that looked like the pictures Tyler had sent him. He saw black men, white men, short men and tall men. The location he was in was not very crowded. 

Josh looked at the stair guy, who was still looking right at Josh. Josh bit his lip and quickly typed a message to Tyler. He was going to figure this out for himself. 

Josh: I'm here. Where are you?

It was 1:19 now. 19 minutes passed the time they were supposed to meet at the gift shop. Josh kept his eyes trained on the man and watched as he check his phone almost as soon as Josh had hit send. 

This wasn't a coincidence. That guy was Tyler and there were about to meet and it's actually happening, like really really happening and oh god Josh thought he might puke. 

Josh stood to his feet and made his way over to who he assumed was Tyler. Once Josh was about four feet from the guy, he looked up from his phone and into Josh's eyes. In that moment, Josh knew that it was Tyler.

"Are you Tyler?" Josh asked, despite his doubts that it was t anyone else but Tyler. 

"Uh," he breathed in sharply and stood to his feet. "I-I am."

Josh couldn't help but smile as he watched the boy stand up and wipe his sweaty palms on the fabric of his jeans. Tyler wasn't much shorter than Josh, but he was definitely a lot slender in a weak way compared to Josh's build. He had dark brown hair and it was a shock when he is eyes were a dark brown and not a bright blue. This definitely wasn't the guy in the pictures. 

Josh's smile grew wider, and he soon bursted into a small giggle fit. Tyler also cracked a small smile and his own giggles. Josh took a few steps closer to Tyler as he wrapped his arms around Tyler's small waist. Tyler reciprocated the action around Josh's neck, standing on his tip toes just barely. Josh's giggles soon turned into a steady laugh as he squeezed the boy gently and lifted him off the ground just a little bit. Josh didn't want to ever let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so cliche it hurts.
> 
> sorry this took 29 years to get up. I have been working on a one shot that's going to be hella long and in really excited to post it. That won't be for a while because, like I said, it's really fucking long.
> 
> I know I've said there will only be one more chapter after the last like 3 chapters, but for real now, there is only going to be one more chapter or else I will be dragging the shit out of this. 
> 
> also, thank you so much for all the great feedback and the 1.1k hits and the 95 kudos on this work. it really means a lot since this is 1) my first TØP fic and 2) my first detailed and drawn out writing piece since 2012/2013. it really means a lot.
> 
> thank you for reading!! don't for get comments and all that good stuff


	8. No Training Wheels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from "Training Wheels" by Melanie Martinez

It was weird.

Josh had to admit that being with Tyler, in person, was strange. Hugging Tyler that first time was strange. Sitting in the cab next to Tyler on the way to Tyler's house was strange. Everything about being with Tyler was strange and gave Josh a little bit of a nervous feeling.

Josh ignored the topic of Tyler's lies for the first couple of hours Josh was there. He didn't want to upset him as soon as he got there. But Josh knew that Tyler knew they would eventually talk about it.

Tyler unlocked his apartment door and opened it up. Tyler's apartment was simple. A single couch and an arm chair. A small television with a normal coffee table in between the television and the couch. A rug with an intricate pattern was placed under the coffee table and television. There was no artwork on the barren white walls. A small bar was placed right in front of the out of date kitchen. Two doors that lead to other rooms- what Josh assumed to be the bathroom and bedroom- stood side by side.

"It's not much," Tyler admitted, shutting the door behind Josh. "But it's better than nothing."

Josh smiled and looked at Tyler. "I think it's very nice."

Tyler smiled a little and shrugged his thin shoulders as he took off his windbreaker. Underneath, he had on a black tank top. Josh wasn't really expecting Tyler to have such nice biceps since he seemed so thin and lanky with his jacket on. "Do you want coffee or water or something?" He asked, placing the jacket on a hook attached to the back of the door. 

Josh watched as Tyler fidgeted with his fingers and his hands slightly shook. "Coffee is fine." Josh answered, slowly wandering around the small space.

Tyler went towards the kitchen. Josh watched Tyler make his way around the kitchen, mumbling words to himself that Josh couldnt make out. Josh began to become very self aware. He was in Tyler's apartment. Tyler was not the guy Josh thought he was. He felt like he was in the apartment of a stranger, like he just met this guy at a club and got Josh to go home with him. 

Josh and Tyler had been talking for months, why did he feel like Tyler was a complete stranger? Josh was pretty confident in the fact that he knew Tyler pretty well; but now that Tyler's appearance isn't what Josh thought it was he was like a whole new person. 

Josh didn't want to think of himself as shallow. He didn't want to be that person to not date someone who isn't attractive enough for them. Not that Tyler wasn't attractive to Josh-- he really, really was-- it's something else. Tyler just wasn't who Josh was expecting.

Tyler lied to Josh about how he looked for whatever reason. Maybe Josh couldn't trust Tyler anymore because of what he lied about. Maybe he's been lying about everything else too. Lying about having body dysmorphia, or living with his parents until he got his own place; lying about not having a camera of any sort to video chat with Josh. Josh balled his hands into fists by his side while he looked out into Chicago.

"Josh," Tyler said, his voice raised. Josh looked towards Tyler who was standing over the bar, eyes staring into Josh. "Do you want milk or anything?"

Josh let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. "No, black is fine."

Tyler gave Josh an odd look as made his way over to him, two mugs in hand. "What's wrong?" Tyler asked, hanging a ceramic cup to Josh. 

"Nothing, nothing." Josh answered, taking the mug from Tyler's hand. "Its just strange being here."

Tyler nodded and sipped his drink. "It's weird having you here. Like, I never thought you'd ever be here."

Josh didn't respond for a minute, he just stared into his coffee trying to find the right words to say. "Who's pictures did you use..." Josh questioned, his voice trailing off at the end. 

"Oh.." Tyler bit his lip and avoided Josh's eyes. Tyler made his way to the couch and sat down on one end, Josh following and sitting on the other. "I don't know the guy. I just found him when I googled 'really attractive brunette guy'."

"Why did you not send me a real picture of yourself?" 

"I was scared." Tyler admitted. "We had been talking for a while when you first asked me for a picture and I didn't want to send you a real picture of me and have you not want to talk to me anymore because of... this." Tyler said, making a gesture with his free hand to his face.

Josh shook his head. "You're not ugly, Tyler."

Tyler sighed and but his mug in the coffee table. "You don't understand." Tyler moved a little closer to Josh and sat with his legs crossed, facing the other boy. "Everything on my face is not appealing in the least bit to me. My nose isn't tiny, my lips are shaped in a weird way, my eyes are boring and brown. Brown is the worst color."

Josh frowned as he listened to Tyler name off all of his insecurities. Josh put his cup down besides Tyler's and sat the same way Tyler was sitting, their knees touching. "Listen." Josh began. "Your nose is perfectly fine and in proportion to your face. Your lips aren't shaped weird, they are shaped to perfectly fit with the rest of Tyler's face." Josh paused, taking Tyler's hands into his own and made eye contact with the other boy. Tyler's face instantly went light pink. "And when I saw your eyes for the first time in the train station an hour ago, I felt like I had just discovered the most beautiful shade of brown in the entire world."

Tyler smiled a little, his face growing pinker as Josh ran his thumbs across Tyler's knuckles. "E-even aside from my face, My arms are flabby and gross. My stomach isn't flat. My fingers are-"

"Shh," Josh shushed Tyler squeezing the other's fingers softly. "Stop talking about all the things you see wrong with yourself. What do you like about yourself?"

Tyler hesitated, staring at their connected hands. Tyler took a while to answer the question, but Josh would have waited all day if he had to. Tyler opened his mouth a few times to quickly shut it again as he tried to come up with something that he didn't totally hate about himself. Tyler shook his head slightly and sucked in a breath. Nothing came to him. 

"I know you sing," Josh offered, attempting to help Tyler out a little bit. "You also write music. You must enjoy doing that."

"I do," Tyler admits, squeezing Josh's fingers barely. "I love it."

"So then why didn't you answer with that?"

Tyler smiles coyly and looks up into Josh's eyes for the first time in several minutes. "There's a difference between taking pleasure in doing something and being satisfied how you do those things." 

Josh felt his heart sink a little after it had filled with hope that they may have found something Tyler sees positively about himself. "Why don't you show me something?"

Tyler didn't move for a second and Josh felt like he could see the gears in his head turning, trying to make a quick decision: does he want to show Josh something or would he rather save himself the embarrassment? As Tyler weighed his options, Josh wished that he could reach into Tyler brain and make him realize that he doesn't suck at everything he does and he's not unattractive and that he is perfect to someone. He's perfect to Josh. 

Josh realized after a few moments of waiting, this might have been the wrong thing to do. Josh knew Tyler's music was personal to him and something he very rarely shared with people. He knew Tyler wouldn't be comfortable showing something like that to Josh, a guy he's known for months but a person he just met with face to face for the first time. 

"Never mind," Josh said after another few moments of silence. Josh pulled his hands from Tyler's and waved them a little like he was trying to wipe the question from Tyler's mind. "I know your music is something you're not very open with. I shouldn't have asked, I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine." Tyler answers, standing to his feet and wiping his palms on his jeans. "It's fine. I can show you something."

Josh stared up at Tyler for a moment before nodding and following Tyler to his room. As they walked, Josh a few paces before Tyler, Josh repeatedly told Tyler that he didn't need to do this if he wasn't comfortable. He told Tyler to not feel pressured to show him, but Tyler ignored Josh's pleas and apologies and sat in front of a piano. 

The instrument was large and obviously old. Numerous scratches were carved into the back of the piano and the finish on the wood was fading. Tyler seemed to be smaller as he positioned himself in front of the keys and flipped through books and notebooks searching for the perfect song to play. Josh stood awkwardly a few feet from Tyler and his craft, watching as he set the book on the ledge and held his fingers above the ivory. Tyler's eyes were glued to the pages for serves seconds before his fingers connected with the keys and the song commenced.

Josh had heard the song before. It was "Drops of Jupiter" by Train. Although Josh was expecting something Tyler had written himself, Josh was not surprised when the familiar tune filled the space in the mostly empty room. It wasn't for a few measures before Tyler began singing the lyrics of the popular early 2000s hit.

Josh smiled as Tyler's voice rang through out the room. This was the first time that Josh had heard Tyler's singing voice actually singing aloud. The only other times he's heard Tyler singing was when they would be the phone for hours on end and there'd be a break in conversation for a couple minutes. During that time frame, Tyler would quietly sing to himself, probably working on a song since Josh would never recognize the lyrics. 

Josh would want to say something to Tyler, about his ability or maybe just mention that he's singing because he knew Tyler was very insecure about his voice; but he enjoyed listening to the boy sing words that he had put together to form songs. He was afraid that if he had mentioned him singing to Tyler, he would stop and he didn't really want that. He felt a little bad about not telling Tyler, like he was betraying him in someway, but Tyler's voice was a sound Josh didn't want to forget and he would take every opportunity he could to listen to him sing.

Now, here in person, Josh couldn't wipe the smile off his face as Tyler continued singing the song. His voice started out weak and fragile, like Josh could break it his he shifted slightly. Slowly, as the song progressed, Tyler's voice grew stronger and bolder, a way that Josh hasn't heard before from the times he's heard Tyler whisper-sing 140 miles away. Tyler's voice was obviously untrained, but even untrained Tyler was an amazing singer. Every time Tyler's voice increased in volume, Josh's heart beat would skip a beat and sputter. Tyler's fingers danced across the piano keys as the words left his mouth and, in that moment, Josh wished to be half as talented as Tyler.

Josh moved his eyes from Tyler's slender fingers maneuvering across the keys and focused on Tyler's face. Tyler's mouth opened and shut as the words came out from his throat. He was obviously very focused on hitting the right ivory keys as his eyes burned holes into the piano. Josh could barely see Tyler's eyes, but from what he could see, he saw passion in his eyes. He saw Tyler's eyes filled to the brim with love and drive. Josh had to bite his lips to keep himself from engulfing Tyler in gentle kisses along his face and neck. 

The song ended to Josh's surprise. Tyler lowered his hands into his lap and his eyes stayed staring at the keys on the instrument. He seemed exhausted now, like he had put every ounce of his energy into the performance. Josh moved from his spot besides the piano and sat on the edge of the piano bench. Tyler jumped a little bit when Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler's shoulders. Had he forgot Josh was ever there?

"That was amazing." Josh complimented, keeping his voice low since his lips were right by Tyler's ear.

Tyler grinned and shrugged his shoulders. "That was my first time ever singing in front of someone." He admitted, pulling at the fabric of his jeans.

"And it was amazing." Josh repeated, hesitations slightly before pressing his lips against the shell of Tyler's ear, making Tyler instantly go a shade of red. 

"Thank you." Tyler turned to look at Josh. Their eyes were connected and Tyler thought he'd ever be able to look at anything else the same ever again. 

Josh's lips turn up into a small grin as he gently put his hand over Tyler's hand resting on his lap. Tyler's heart picked up pace as Josh's fingers wrapped around his own and he felt his face grow pinker. 

"I don't understand how you could ever find yourself unattractive." Josh said softly, his voice barely loud enough for Tyler to hear. 

Tyler shrugged his shoulders barely and tried not to make his breath sound shaky and nervous. Their faces were inches apart. Tyler could feel Josh's breath on his face. Tyler swore Josh was going to lean in and kiss him.

That was when Josh's mouth hung open, searching for words, before he said: "Do you want to watch a movie?"

Tyler felt his heart slowly sink into his stomach as he lead Josh out of the room and back into the living room. 

*

The weekend goes by fast. The night that Tyler sang for Josh, they changed into clothes a little more comfortable than jeans and they sat on Tyler's couch watching any B List, shitty movies that they could find on Netflix. They started at almost total opposite ends of the couch, wrapped in their own blankets. But they soon met in the middle, sharing one blanket. Josh's arms around Tyler's shoulders and Tyler's around Josh's midsection. They fell asleep in each others arms.

The next day, Saturday, Tyler took Josh around the city. He showed him all the tourist attractions and the things people traveled many, many miles to see just for a couple of hours. The Metal Bean, Navy Pier, Millennium Park. Luckily, Josh got to spend an entire weekend with the thing he travelled miles and miles to see. They held hands the entire time.

Tyler had hoped the whole weekend that Josh would kiss him. He kissed his cheek, the backs of Tyler's hand, but not on the lips. Not where Tyler wanted to be kissed. He thought about initiating it himself, kissing Josh sporadically while they were waiting for their dinner to arrive to their table. Or while they had another shitty movie marathon and Josh had his full attention on the events of the movie as the unfolded. But he couldn't get the courage. He didn't know where I find it.

Then, before they knew it, they were standing on the train platform. Josh's bag by his side and Tyler standing in front of him. Tyler's face was giving it away that Tyler was obviously sad of Josh's departure beck to Cincinnati after such a short weekend getaway with each other. Josh was upset about leaving too, but he tried not to show it. 

Halfway through their Saturday outing, Josh thought that maybe he'd ask Tyler if he could stay a couple more days, maybe the rest of the week. But he knew he couldn't. He had exams in a couple of weeks and about a million things due this upcoming week. He had to study and start packing away his belongings for his return to his parents house and then his trip to Boston to see Ashley. He couldn't put any of that off any longer. 

"I can't believe you have to leave already." Tyler admits, looking up to meet Josh's eyes. His voice wavers slightly but he tries to his best to sound relaxed. 

Josh gives a small smile and shakes his head. "I know, me either." Tyler averts his eyes from Josh's gaze again. "Hey," Josh says, putting his hands on Tyler's shoulders. Tyler looks up again. "I'll come back, okay? Or, you can come to me once I come back from Boston and school starts again. I promise, we won't be apart for long."

Tyler nods and tried to look a little less sad. A very small, very weak smile appears on his face. Josh smiled a little more and engulfed Tyler in a tight hug, which Tyler returned the action, wrapping his arms around Josh's middle tightly.

Josh didn't think Tyler would let go, but when Josh pulled away from Tyler, he surprising let go of him as Josh removed his arms from Tyler's body.

"Train 89428 to Cincinnati is now approaching." The loud robotic voice of a man calls over the speaker, filling the whole station with more commotion as people stand just behind the yellow line holding to get a seat. Tyler seemed to deflate. 

Josh frowns and he restrains himself from asking about staying longer. "This was the best weekend of my life, Tyler."

Tyler smiled a little again. "Me too. Thank you for being here with me for it."

"Thank you for showing up at the train station."

"Thanks for forcing me to show up at the station."

They laugh. Tyler swears Josh's laugh is of an Angel. The laughter dies out and they are quickly stuck in silence.

"I'm sorry," Tyler says suddenly, making Josh look up from their shoes.

"Why?" Josh asks, giving Tyler a questioning look. "You did nothing wrong. There is nothing to be sorry about."

Tyler shook his head. "No, there is something to apologize for. I lied to you. I deceived you."

Josh had completely forgotten about Tyler's false picture usage. The weekend was such a whirlwind of emotions and activities that the memory of Tyler lying to Josh had been completely off of his mind. 

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't. I was just scared that you wouldn't like me if you knew what I looked like." Tyler said meekly, continuing to avoid Josh's gaze.

"I was never really angry or hurt. I just want to know why you thought I might be shallow like that."

Tyler let the question sink in and he thought about it for a moment. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before he settled on keeping it closed in a slight grin and shrugging his shoulders. "I guess I didn't think I deserved more than that." Tyler answered honestly.

Josh frowned again and bit his lip, looking down at their shoes again. "If we're being honest," Josh speaks after what seems like minutes of silence. "I was planning on coming here and kind of laying into you about lying to me..." 

Tyler looks at Josh. His head was turned down towards the ground and his bottom lip was being chewed at by his teeth. "You were?"

Josh nodded and sighed a little bit. "Yeah, I was. But then when I saw you sitting there, my brain forgot all of that and it was only thinking about what was happening in that moment. I didn't care that you weren't the guy in the pictures because I learned that even though you're not the guy in the pictures, you still care about me and you never lied to me beyond the pictures."

Josh looked up to see a slightly smiling Tyler staring at Josh. Josh felt his face heat up and his heart rate pick up. 

The train comes into the station a couple feet behind Tyler and Josh. Tyler's smile leaves his face and he throws himself into Josh and connect their lips. Josh, obviously taken aback by the sudden presence of someone else's lips on his, but he didn't protest. Josh smiled and put his hands on Tyler's waist and Tyler's hands instinctively wrapped around Josh's neck. Their lips moved with one another in such a natural way, like this wasn't the first time they had touched. 

When Tyler felt Josh's tounge against his own lips, he felt like he had just been smacked back down the earth. Tyler quickly pulled away, breaking the kiss and he took a step back from Josh. He touched his own lips, confused. 'Did I just do that?' Tyler thought to himself as Josh gave him questioning looks. 

"I'm sorry," Tyler apologizes, looking back at Josh. Josh shook his head and took a step closer to Tyler and reconnected their lips. This time, only lasting no longer than a few second.

"Don't be sorry," Josh said, picking up his bag once again and smiling at Tyler. "I've been waiting for that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a long wait for a relatively weak chapter. I was dealing with school and work and mental illness shit so I really wasn't feeling up to writing a lot recently. but I finally found enough motivation to finish this up!
> 
> thank you so much for reading this and leaving feedback and everything!! it really means a lot. if you want you can check out my other works. that'd be really rad if you.


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